CHAPTER 10
When he walked into the living room, Lina turned her head to face him with blotchy face and accusatory eyes. Waiting for her to speak, he brought his hand to his cheek, then back at his side. After a few minutes, he went into the kitchen and made coffee.
With the cup in his hands he glanced at his sister, pausing to see what her mood was. She refused to look at him, her eyes fixed on the fireplace. Stopping again at the foot of the stairs, he took one last look at her from the corner of his eye. Her only response was to bubble her lips and push them sideways.
Feeling his absence, Lina turned to face the stairs, her cheeks and lips bunched up. New tears rolling over old ones, she put her hand behind her head. Then she went upstairs, leaving her door open so he could hear her crying, knowing that he'd be standing outside her door watching her.
When she fell asleep, he entered her room, kneeling down by the side of her bed. Reaching out to pull back her hair, he touched her cheek.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, one hand over his mouth, head bent down.
Leaning over to kiss her on the cheek, he let his lips linger, feeling guilty that he'd hurt her. Returning to his room, he thought about Laura. Conflicted between remorse and arousal, he closed his eyes tight to keep his tears in check, falling asleep instead.
In the morning he found Lina sitting at the kitchen table, her fingers locked. He noticed, too, that she'd started boiling the water for his coffee. That meant she expected him to make the first move.
Finishing the process, he set his cup on the table, sat and stirred his coffee. Taking a sip, he took her in with just one glance. Though she appeared outwardly composed, her eyes were troubled, as if at any moment she expected him to walk out again.
Choosing his words carefully, he said, "I have too many memories here. I needed to get away. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"Why won't you talk to me?" she whispered.
"I have needs."
She creased her forehead when he wouldn't look at her. Forming an o with her lips, she pressed them against her teeth, thinking.
"I don't understand," she said.
Scowling, he met her eyes and said, harshly, "I'm a man. I have needs you can't give me."
Lina felt chilled for a moment. Releasing the air she'd held in, she felt, uncertain.
"I -. What do you mean?"
Standing up suddenly, he threw his cup against the wall, shouting, "I need to fuck!"
Startled, she stood up and tripped on a chair leg as her chair fell. Then she backed up against the wall, her arms crossed over her shoulders.
"I'm sorry," he said, taking a deep breath, his eyes on the floor.
Once her heart slowed, she asked, "Did you meet someone?"
"Yes."
Focusing on his translation work, he stayed mostly in his office for the rest of the day. Lina, meanwhile, became increasingly frustrated. She just didn't understand why he kept shutting her out.
When the snot ran down her nose from crying so hard after their parents died, he'd been the one to hold her. No matter how much she'd fought him, he wouldn't let up on her. For the first few months, too, she'd slept in his bed because she didn't want to be alone. It was because of him, she wrote in her college entrance essay, that she had the strength to finish high school.
Calling her friend Tammy, she said, "Can you come over tonight?"
"You sound sad, Lin. Everything okay?"
"No, that's why I need you to come over."
"Is eight okay?"
"Yes, thanks, Tammy."
Returning to the puzzle she'd laid out while talking to Tammy, Lina felt him watching her. Tilting her head, she saw him standing in the crook of the wall that divided the living room from the hallway leading to the kitchen.
It never failed to intimidate her when she caught him doing that. She never knew if he was seeing her or something inside her. Faced with his silence, she focused instead on sorting out the edges. When she looked up again, he was gone.
Tammy arrived a few minutes after 8p. Hugging at the door, Lina roped Tammy's arm and led her upstairs.
"I'll be right back," Lina said, hurrying downstairs to bring up the caramel flavored popcorn and bottles of water.
When she returned, Tammy patted the bed and ooohed at the snacks. Laughing, Lina gave her the choice between The Lord of the Rings and Wild Hogs.
After watching Wild Hogs, Lina mostly listened to Tammy as she talked about her latest project at the grief foundation she worked for. When Tammy left, she felt her anxiety return. Why won't he talk to me? she asked, falling asleep.
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